"Bush Highly Revered in Utah"

That was the headline on washingtonpost.com this morning introducing this story about, well, how much they love Bush in Utah. But they hate Dijon mustard.

Skip Bayless Must Be Stopped

In other Super Bowl-related coverage, Skip Bayless continues his assault on logical and well-argued discourse today in an inane piece of drivel posted on ESPN's Page 2. Among his least supportable assertions:

• "[F]or the first time, the Super Bowl features two underdogs, two Cinderellas, two teams that came from nowhere on destiny-kissed rolls."

Really, Skip? The Seahawks, who finished 13-3 and secured the #1 seed in the NFC, are an underdog? Do you have any idea what underdog means? And the Steelers, who went 15-1 last year and who went into an improbable mid-season funk this year because Tommy Maddox was prominently involved, came from nowhere? Skip, do you even follow the NFL? (Also, is this really "the first time" this has happened in the 40-year history of the Super Bowl?)

• "But would they have won their first playoff game, in Cincinnati, if Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer hadn't been hurt on his second play? Doubtful. Would they have finished off the season's most shocking upset, in Indianapolis, if Colts cornerback Nick Harper hadn't weaved back into a sprawling ankle tackle by Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger? No. Would the Steelers have been able to win in Foxborough if the Broncos hadn't upset the Patriots the week before in Denver? Highly doubtful. Would the Steelers have won in Denver if an early poor pass by Roethlisberger had been picked off in the flat by Champ Bailey and returned for a stadium-rocking touchdown? Probably not."

Ok, so now it's "doubtful" that the Steelers would've beaten Cincinnati if Carson Palmer had played. I can accept "questionable" (since really, no one knows). But doubtful? Skip must be clairvoyant. Also, is it really "highly doubtful" that the Steelers would have beaten the Patriots if the Broncos didn't? Let's see, the Broncos decisively defeated the Patriots (twice, in fact), and then the Steelers decisively defeated the Broncos, so that must mean the Patriots would have most likely beaten the Steelers. That makes perfect fucking sense Skip, thanks for clearing that up for me.

And since we're playing the game of hypotheticals: If Tom Brady's fumble was correctly ruled a fumble instead of an incomplete pass in the infamous "tuck rule" game, no one's talking about a "Belichick-Brady dynasty."

In sum, it's unconscionable that Skip Bayless has a column on a web site sponsored by the so-called "worldwide leader in sports." His senseless diatribes are tantamount to a crime against the English language. As a writer, it's OK to be contrarian, but only if the contrarian perspective has some validity. Skip's positions are hardly ever valid (and if they are, they're almost never well-reasoned or well-articulated). He needs to be silenced.

Did You Know: Jerome Bettis is from Detroit

In this run-up to Super Bowl XL, the only thing more cliched than the ubiquitious coverage of Jerome Bettis' homecoming is the constant bemoaning of this coverage by sportswriters. In one such column on ESPN's Page 2, Brian Murphy offers 10 alternative angles to the Steelers-Seahawks matchup. While I realize he's written this in jest, I still think Murphy misses a golden opportunity to mention one seemingly obvious angle that has been completely overlooked by the popular media: the Franco Harris connection.

As you're probably aware, Steelers' legend Franco Harris played a fraction of a season with the Seahawks, where he averaged a paltry 2.5 yards per carry on 68 total rushing attempts before being released in October 1984.

Every true Steelers fan knows that Franco should have never donned that ugly, blue-and-silver uniform, not even for a couple of months. Every true Steelers fan knows that Franco should have retired a Steeler. Finally the Steelers organization will have an opportunity to avenge Franco's honor and bury the memory of that ignominious season with a decisive victory over the Seahawks this Sunday.

How's that for an angle?

Really Peurile Link of the Day

This link was sent to me under the heading "on the topic of academic comedy." And I thought this Houston Chronicle sports reporter had a really unfortunate name...

It's worth noting that one of Professor Wang's interests is "the cell biology of membranes."

Super Bowl XL

I know it's a tired refrain at this point, but I'm not sure what to do this weekend without football. (Some people are so disoriented that they're already putting together mock drafts.) At the same time, I'm absolutely giddy that THE STEELERS ARE IN THE SUPERBOWL!! Golly gee, only one more week to go!! I can hardly wait. If the Seahawks were smart, they'd give Larry Brown a call (this one, not this one). Judging by the meager price his autographed picture is fetching, I'm sure he's available...


Update: For those of you who are mocking my Photoshop skills, joke's on you. I don't even have Photoshop. This is a Windows Paint job, baby.

You can take J.R. out of the Blazers, but you can't take the Blazer out of J.R.

Poor guy. She must've really done something horrible. Normally, he would just kick a bitch in the back.

"To the Extent" I Can't Stand That Phrase...

Lately, I have noticed that certain phrases tend to send me into a violent rage controlled only by my desire to maintain my freedom and anal virginity. At the top of this list is "To the Extent."

This short phrase has quickly gained traction in the vernacular, so widespread that our President has even used it to try to "stay hip with the kids" while "letting cities flood." I realized that the problem was out of control when I received an e-mail regarding helping people get jobs that read:

"To the extent that there are students that are still looking for summer jobs, I will help them to the extent that I can."

To hammer home the point I replied:

"If students still need summer jobs, I will try to help them, too."

I don't know if people are using this phrase as a way of trying to sound smarter, trying to verbally waffle or if they all work Dickensian jobs where they are paid by the word, but it must stop. Some more phrases whose usage MUST be curtailed:

1.) "What's doin'?" Luckily this phrase is mainly confined to Long Island which means it should be phased out after the inevitable evolution of the popluation from homo neanderthalis to homo sapiens.

2.) "It is what it is." Oh really? It's not something else? It's just what you say it is? Hmm... I'll have to think about not only what you said, but the fact that its meaning is limited to... what you said... Profound.

3.) "Good people." She/he's good people. Is she/he really fat so as to require the third person plural? Or are you just being "punchy"? Either way, please stop talking.

I hope that through diligent blogging and long spans of silence after hearing these phrases, we will be able to eradicate them and allow society to move forward with fun buzzwords like "grammar."

Anderson Cooper

Let's hear it for my former roommate Claire Zulkey, who was on Anderson Cooper tonight, discussing the liar/plagiarist James Frey!!!!!!! Cool girl- she has had a lot of success as a freelance writer, and it all started from her blog, www.zulkey.com. Nice job, Clarice. It really put the lotion in the basket this time.

It's Official

On SI.com, Dr. Z wastes 5,000 words telling us what everyone already knows: ESPN's Sunday night crew - the wretched triumvarate of Mike Patrick, Joe Theismann, Paul Maguire - is still the worst group of television announcers in the NFL. At least they're consistent.

Quickly, Before Lunch...

• "This adorable baby Phoenician character is a super original gift concept packed with a heartwarming positive message of hope for a bright and united Lebanon. "
• There are a ton of Steelers songs on the airwaves right now, according to this article. And I know of at least one more (a knock-off of a popular muppets skit) that isn't mentioned in the article. Steelers fans are insane.
• Want to visit DC? Need a hotel? Check out this special at the Georgetown Suites: Stay one night at the regular rate, and the, um, "second's night [sic] rate is the temperature outside at check-in!" Farenheit? Celsius? The loophole possibilties are endless.
• Lynn Swann is one of the best receivers of all time. He's also a rich, white guy.
• An FDA panel approves an over-the-counter weight loss pill, ironically named "Alli."
• I present to you the Ron Mexico Name Generator. Johnny Shades = Peter Burkina Faso.
• I finally checked out the Science Club last night. Overall, I liked it. Chill atmosphere - exposed brick, dark, candles, etc. - think 18th Street Lounge without the pretention. The main floor is a little loungier, the basement's a little grungier, so there's something for everyone. The music was a bit loud, but not offensively so. And the food wasn't bad - the pompously-titled "maison frites" were excellent, and the hummus was pretty good (not as good as Salim's, but good nonetheless). On a scale of 1 to 5, I give it 3 gyros.

A Minor Proposal

How about this? Instead of forcing kids to play Dance Dance Revolution, when many of the children, who have been born without rhythm irrespective of their fitness, will be humiliated in front of their classmates, the kind folks in West Virginia give their kids reasonable weight loss goals in reasonable time frames with jobs in the mines waiting for those who fail to meet consecutive deadlines. I have always found fear to be a more effective motivator than distraction.

Conversely, though, I applaud these Mountaineers for their effort to create the exact opposite of Footloose.

Imitation of Life

From my "good" friend Chris M.:

http://www.clickondetroit.com/weather/6377419/detail.html

So, now we've got snow in Hawaii, snow in Japan, rain in Seattle for like 40 days straight, severe cold in India, record cold in Siberia, people in new york in january bitching about the cold if its less than 45 degrees, whales in the Thames, and dogs and cats living together.

All of which proves my point: The Day After Tomorrow IS more realistic than Brokeback Mountain.

The Inanity of the ESPN/USA Today Coaches' Poll

While this topic of discussion could be the fodder for an entire Blog in and of itself, the most recent ESPN/USA Today poll has made me silly with anger. The reason, O District of Columbians, is the omission of that glorious institution, Georgetown University, home of the Hoyas.

Besides knocking off previously unbeaten and overhyped Duke on national TV, the Hoyas have had an impressive season, holding their own in the new Super-Conference, the Big Beast. Their only conference losses are on the road at #1 UConn and #13 West Virginia, and their other two losses are at #7 Illinois and against a very good Vanderbilt team. They should be rewarded by at least getting more votes than UNC, Syracuse, Louisville, or Wisconsin who are losing games faster than James Frey can lose his credibility.

D.C. Beware! If something is not done soon, you will be sentenced to having to see college basketball at the Foggy Bottom Federal Prison watching Georgetown Lite play another exciting match up against Stony Brook or Duquesne in front of 200 mildly restless students wearing "I Didn't Get Into Georgetown" faces and cheering for their beloved Colonials before they resume their solitary confinement or practice their curling.

Um, Bats and Balls

On Slate.com today, William Saletan summarizes a study that demostrates a link between female promiscuity and testes size in bats. Predictably, the headline for the story is "Bats and Balls."

The thing is, the Economist wrote about this study almost two months ago (December 8, 2005, to be exact). And the headline of the Economist story? You got it - "Bats and Balls." (Unless you have a subscription to Economist.com, you'll just have to take my word for it.)

I know the subject matter naturally lends itself to this title, but come on guys, can't we exhibit a modicum of creative independence?

Democracy? Curling?

That's the message with which I was curiously greeted on the District of Columbia Olympic Committee's (DCOC's) home page. Apparently, a group of advocates for DC voting/representation/statehood rights (their precise agenda is a unclear), all of whom have tragic nicknames, believes the best way to advance their cause is to petition the members of the International Olympic Committee to allow entry of a DC "national" curling team. While I could certainly think of more fitting events for a DC team given the proclivities of area residents (oh, I don't know, skeet shooting?), that's beside the point. The point is that I question whether or not this type of effort is the most effective manner to acheive a very worthwhile goal. I mean, U.S. history offers several examples of more effective and practical means by which oppressors can be vanquished...

Still, you've got to admire their creativity. Patrick Henry would be proud.

Tragedy Averted

According to this article (courtesy of DCist), Ben's Chili Bowl can stay in business after winning its property tax appeal. The property taxes resulting from the original assessment of $1.4 million would have submarined one of DC's most well-known and long-standing cultural institutions. While this would have been a tragedy for the neighborhood and the city, it would have been a panacea for my health since I eat there approximately 3 times a week.

Tailwinds and Happy Landings

Maybe it's the fact that last night I flew on the same FLL-EWR Continental flight as the crazy guy who bit someone, or the fact that the two pilots at the helm of a plane when it crashed in 2004 were "tired and punchy", but I think that there is a severe lack of class in the air lately.

Whatever happened to the days when passengers dressed up and didn't have to worry about other people needing to breathe? Or when you could count on your pilot to have taken the edge off a little bit? Now, for the major airlines, it's all about business and profit. While they're clearly well-run enterprises, surely they could enforce some type of dress code to reflect the niceties of air travel?

We can only hope...

Guess Who Forgot to Pay the Water Bill?

I arrived home yesterday to find my roommate Josh waiting for me.
"Isn't this yours?" he asked, holding out an official-looking envelope. It was some sort of county correspondence addressed to my landlord, Barbara K, and did not look at all like the usual type of crap that I typically receive in the mail.
"The water bill," he reminded me. "Aren't you the one who's supposed to pay it?"
Shite. He was right. And I had completely forgotten.
I tore open the first of many similar envelopes, all of which contained bills that demanded immediate payment. The last bill informed me that my account was delinquent, and that if payment was not received on (fill in date from several weeks ago), my water would be shut off. TODAY. Goo!!!
In a state of red-hot panic, I dashed upstairs to pay the bill online. If the water was shut off, my 3 roommates would be furious. I felt horribly guilty. Can you imagine how angry you would be if, due to the idiocy of a roommate, you had to stink like a pig??! I idly wondered if I should empty out the economy-sized jug of popcorn in the den in the event that I would need to give myself a sponge bath in the morning.
Luckily, there was a message on the website stating that the date on which the bill was paid would be the date reflected on my account, even though the payment would take several days to process. I was safe.
Needless to say, the fact remains that this is the second time this month that I have neglected to pay a bill. The first incident was a trifling matter with my corporate credit card that could be dealt with later (it was their mistake, which in my mind meant I shouldn't have to worry about resolving it). I tucked the first bill neatly into my sock drawer for safekeeping; the subsequent bills I brought to the office to hide behind my potted plant. When I started getting calls from the collection agency, reality kicked in.
While fiscal responsibility has never been my strong suit, I had to ask myself why as of late I have been particularly naughty. I realized that the fact that I was never home, but was going out an average of 5 nights a week, probably had something to do with it. But what else do you do with yourself in DC in the winter? DC is particularly dismal during this season. It's not a tropical paradise, but it's not a winter wonderland either, and it kills all motivation. What do you do to keep it interesting in late January??
Having been in this city just a hair under a decade, I am bored. BORED BORED BORED. The other night I had a 10-minute long conversation with Doug about whether we could master the art of picking locks.
Readers, give me your suggestions. I need to motivate to try things besides bars so I can get my act together and pay my bills on time...otherwise, I will be dealing with gray bars when the IRS hauls me away.

On Hip-Hop

So I've been pretty down on popular hip-hop lately - indeed, there's a ton of crap out there on the airwaves of WPGC. Regardless, there are two songs cimbing up the charts right now that I absolutely love:

1. The first is Grillz by Nelly, featuring Paul Wall and Ali & Gipp. It's not just because gold and diamond fronts are inherently funny (which they indisputably are). But it's also the verbal dexterity of Ali, who spits lines such as: "where i got'em you can spot them, on the top and in the bottom, got a bill in my mouth like I'm Hillary Rodham." This has got to be the first time the Clintons got a shout-out in a rap song since Tupac took Bill Clinton to task for being "too old to understand the way the game is told."

2. The second song I love is Touch It by Busta Rhymes. My love for this song (or any of Busta's songs, really) is somewhat inexplicable since I have absolutely no idea what he's saying.

Honorable mention: The infectious theme song of the Eastern Motors commercials has been transformed into a dance track, which you can listen to here. I suppose this was inevitable. Now, what's the drop date for the Shoe City club remixes?

Why Dan Shanoff is a Dolt

Predictably, I have a major issue with Dan Shanoff's "Super Bore" diatribe in Monday's "Daily Quickie." (Yes, I know I'm a few days late with this, but a little thing called "work" has been keeping me busy.) While I agree that the Seahawks have little appeal outside of Seattle, Shanoff is dead wrong when he says "there hasn't been a Super Bowl with less national fan interest in a long time."

His critical folly is his gross underestimation of the size and intensity of Steeler Nation. For proof of its size, look no further than this article or these pictures from across the globe. (Yes, this "proof" is antecdotal at best, but as the axiom goes, "the plural of anecdote is data.") For evidence of its intensity, see (via Deadspin) this web site, this very disturbing web site, the well-publicized story about the heart attack guy, or the better-publicized story about the shamed Beaver Falls student (who still apparently refuses to take off his John Elway jersey.)

(As an aside, in response to the Beaver Falls student story, a friend of a friend wrote the following: "Speaking as a former high-school teacher, I can assure you that this was standard practice in my classroom when the Steelers were on their way to a Super Bowl. Indeed, in 1996 I beat a student to death for wearing a Michael Irvin jersey to my class. All in good fun, of course..." As if you needed more evidence of the intensity of Steeler fans.)

(As another aside, Beaver Falls, PA happens to be the home of the great Joe Namath and the timeless Mr. Belvedere.)

Carl Krauser

Great win by the Panthers last night. Is it me, or does Carl Krauser look like Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle?


I know Dewey's much younger and much whiter, but I think there's a resemblance nonetheless - kind of like how Tom Brady looks like Yao Ming or Harry Carson looked like Glenn Close.

Lessons Jack Bauer Could Learn from Tupac

I'll admit, I'm a huge fan of 24. And I've been very happy with the season so far. But, I do have one qualm...

If Jack Bauer really wanted to fake his death and disappear from society, why did he only move an hour away from LA? With his experience in clandesine ops coupled with his utter ruthlessness, couldn't he leave the country? Head to Eastern Europe or something? Or even cross the border and hunt antelope in the Yukon Territory (I don't even know if there are antelope in the Yukon Territory, but whatever)?

I mean, here's my point. If Tupac could fake his death and get away with it for all these years, why couldn't Jack Bauer? Jack's a hardened government agent with countless kills under his belt. Tupac was a ballet dancer.

Could someone explain this to me?

Where are They Now? Karim-Abdul Jabbar

Have you ever wondered what Karim Abdul-Jabbar is up to these days? No, not this one; this one. Give up? Well, I'll tell you - he's teaching a body-fat burning training class at my gym...


On a somewhat related note, I saw the Bush twins working out there this past Friday at around 5pm (they were going pretty hard on the eliptical machines). Apparently, the Sports Club/LA is quite the haven for C-list celebrities.

Really Bad Advertisements

So as I was making the long, painful journey to the suburban dystopia in which I work this morning, I happily realized that I could safely listen to Sports Talk 980. (Because the Redskins lost last weekend, the Mike & Mike show wasn't be pre-empted for the painful and incoherent ramblings of Joe Jacoby). As I was gleefully listening to Golic and Greenie tout the acheivements of my beloved Steelers, I heard an advertisement for the following product:

The spot for Height Max begins with a man casually wondering aloud (and I'm paraphrasing here): "I'm concerned that my son is so short. Is there anything I can do about it?"

Apparently, there is something you can do - dope him up with this concoction, the growth supplement of choice for 12 to 25 year-olds. The web site says it all: "Perhaps, you girls wanted to be able to look your boyfriend in the eye when he kissed you. Perhaps, you just wanted to see over the steering wheel when you began to drive. Or perhaps you are a parent of an adolescent or young adult who is concerned about their [sic] height."

This sounds like a horrible idea for a plethora of reasons (safety, efficacy, the unintended consequences on your child's self esteem from forcing him or her to take an herbal growth supplement, etc). But this is not a forum to discuss the need for FDA regulation of dietary supplements. Rather, I'd like to point out the group of kids they're using to market this thing:

A marketing disaster, to say the least. I mean, say I'm a short kid, and I hear this advertisement on the radio. I'm sick of not being able to see over the steering wheel when I drive. So I go to the web site, as instructed, to get more information. All of the sudden, I'm confronted with this collection of social misfits. And I start thinking to myself: "Holy shit, if I take this pill, will I start to tuck in my tacky, pastel color T-shirts into my jeans? Will I grow a cheesy porn-stache like that doofus in the blue? This shit's definitely not for me."

So that reminded me of another really, really bad advertisement I saw recently - this one for Grand Marnier in the most recent issue of The Atlantic. It's part of their recent "the conversation is waiting" ad campaign. This particular ad poses the following question: "Are we the United States, or simply the red and blue states?" Pictured under the question is a bottle of Grand Marnier, with the aforementioned punchline (i.e., "the conversation...") superimposed over it.

Now, I know Grand Marnier. I am a friend of Grand Marnier (literally - check out its Friendster profile). And I can honestly say that no one is capable of having this conversation after a few shots of GM (which is, by the way, the only acceptable way of consuming it). In fact, no one would even want to have this conversation - it's a total fucking buzz-kill, even in DC. It's much easier to talk about that girl you could have almost hooked up with at TomTom last weekend before you got too drunk to communicate with her anymore, and hey, let's do another shot of GM! now what was I saying?, and so on. Besides, the backdrop of the ad is completely red, which sort of contradicts a Grand Marnier spokesperson's assertion that "[w]e’re not taking a position on any of the issues in the campaign." Sure you're not, Steve.

Why can't anyone make good advertisements anymore?

Long Ride Home . . .

Oh. My. Gawd! What a performance! Let's hope for a mini-fairy tale ending for Jerome Bettis. He has showed old-fashioned loyalty and selflessness in the transition of roles he assumed for the good of his team. An actual role model for actual people.

Doomed.

Shit. Simmons picked the Steelers over the Broncos in his column today. He went 1-3 last week. We're doomed.

Well, it was a good run. Maybe next year we'll get that one for the thumb.

What Blogs Cost American Businesses, and Other Fun Time-Wasters

I recently read in the January/February issue of The Atlantic that U.S. workers waste on average 9% of the workweek perusing the blogosphere. (A summary of the source survey can be found here.) Disappointing. Let's try to get that number up. The following links should keep you engrossed for hours...

• Here is a facial recognition application that matches your face with that of a celebrity. Apparently, I'm a dead-ringer for Cat Stevens. I suppose this makes sense since the government classifies both of us as national security threats.
• This is the Music Genome Project. You type in an artist or a song that you like, and they'll create a free playlist of similar artists and songs they recommend for you. For instance, I entered "David Banner" and learned that I would also like "Mike Jones" and "Lil Flip" because all of their songs feature "Southern rap roots, heavy use of slang, and a heavy use of chordal patterning." The internet - it's for more than just porn.
  

• Apropos of my Commodore 64 posting a few days ago, here's an on-line C64 game emulator.
  
• Ode to Polamalu: "Number 43 Glides Across the Field. His Sweet Hawaiian Hair Flows Behind Him. He Makes Great Interceptions Which Makes Me Cheer. He is Troy Polamalu. He is Great."
  
• After what this professor did, maybe UMD should change its nickname from the "Terps" to the "Twerks."
  
• I can't really describe this game, but I'll try. Basically, you and your team of apparently homosexual pixie elves have to finish your battle tower before the evil Vikings finish theirs by placing the building blocks in numerical order. My favorite part: when you win a round, the head pixie elf shouts "prepare to get blasted!" before destroying the Vikings' tower with what appears to be a ping-pong ball.
  
• Speaking of getting blasted, let's hope that Joey Porter doesn't get shot in the ass this weekend before the big game...

Killing Time at Work.

1. Apparently, the 3% federal excise tax charged on every cell phone bill in America is used to support our war efforts. The Spanish-American war, that is.
2. No wonder pirates are so hip these days.
3. Jack Bauer is a beast.
4. Bill Simmons should be throttled. He writes a 5,000 word column about the football playoffs this past weekend, spends the majority of it talking about the Pats-Broncos game - which was the least compelling game of the weekend - and virtually ignores the Steelers. Clearly, even after 3 out of the last 4 Super Bowls, Bill Simmons still has penis envy over the Steelers' timeless legacy. Further evidence of this - in his discussion of the most famous NFL play of all time, conspicuously absent is any mention of the Immaculate Reception. Oh really? That's not that's not the most memorable play of all time? Bite me, Simmons.
5. Washington, DC is the shizzle. And not just because of Chuck Brown.
6. Happy anniversary Mr. Mayor.
7. "About fucking time."
8. I'm going here for dinner tonight. I know you're jealous.

Mahrn' Cope Sounds

Hours of entertainment, right here. If this doesn't get you motivated for Sunday, nothing will.

Best. Computer. Ever.

On the heels of the introduction of the the new MacBook Pro (which I plan to purchase once the kinks are worked out), I'd like to offer a past example of the "computer of the future," courtesy of Kim Moser:

For the record, this was my favorite computer ever (and I'm not just saying that because I had one until 1993 because my parents were too cheap to buy a IBM-compatible PC). The games for the Commodore 64 were unparalleled, from Buggy Boy to Henry's House to 4th and Inches (all of which you can see here).

Green Fucking Pigs

I can't take any credit for this at all. I received it in an e-mail, and I'm going to post it verbatim:

"Even post-apostasy, I still think some things are crimes against nature. These motherfuckers are making green pigs(!?!).

(There's a terrible Dr. Seuss joke here that I have spared you. Don't ever say I never did anything for you.)"

Very Gratifying Indeed

I think Troy Polamalu summed it up best: "This win, believe me, is very gratifying."

Even more gratifying when you consider that the league clearly wanted Indianapolis to win, as evidenced by: (1) a very blatant pass interference on Randle-El in the first half that was completely ignored by the refs, almost as if the color of Randle-El's jersey was "invisible"; (2) the fourth-and-one, fourth quarter play where the entirety of Indy's defensive line jumped offsides and the officials ruled that there was no infraction; and (3) the unconscionable reversal of Polamalu's fourth-quarter interception for reasons I still do not completely understand (something about his knee being down, which I thought was the very definition of when posession is established). But, you ultimately can't trifle with the football gods, and their disdain for the poor officiating was evident when they pushed that liquored-up, idiot kicker's field goal attempt ridiculously right.

Now, onto Denver. Personally, I think the Steelers are going to get slaughtered. I mean, we were able to contain Peyton Manning, but Jake Plummer's a whole different animal. My early pick, a la Bill Simmons: Denver, 105, Pittsburgh, 3.

41-19?

And a gratuitous shot at one of the all-time greats.

Go fuck yourself, Simmons.

Everyone knows that the Colts are soft. This game's going to be a lot closer than everyone thinks.

Marcus Vick Found at McDonalds!

I don't know why I find this picture so hilarious, but I do...

Ajit at Third Edition Tonight

Yes, I hate Third Edition as much as the next person. But tonight is a special night. Why? Because Ajit Verghese, aka the Big Indian, aka the Big Brown Bamma will be performing there live. Show starts at 10pm. If you've never seen an enormous Indian (dots, not feathers) play emotional, sappy chick-rock, you've got to stop by...

This Just In: Pittsburgh Destitute

According to this survey, Pittsburgh ranks a paltry 59th among U.S. cities in median household income (only $31,910!) despite being ranked as Americas 18th "most educated city." Even Cincinatti's median household income is slightly higher (at $31,960) even though Cincinattians are generally stupider (it was ranked the 19th most educated city, although one suspects that its standing would drop precipitously if Chad Johnson were included in the survey).

Unfortunately, I wouldn't expect Pittsburgh's median income level to increase much anytime soon...

In Franco We Trust

This is Cafe 227's Christmas Tree:

We realize most Americans have taken down and discarded their Christmas trees by now. But Cafe 227 is different. Let's take a closer look at the angel at the top of our tree:

There he is! Franco Harris, in all of his immaculate glory, looking down at us from up top. Certainly it would be bad luck to dismantle Franco's tree in the midst of the playoffs, would it not? So, the Christmas tree will stay until the Steelers lose, and if it rots and starts to smell disgusting, then so be it. At Cafe 227, we call that "character."

Welcome to Cafe 227

Welcome to Cafe 227. Where your job is your credit. More to come...