Cafe 227

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Yellow Line Now Extends to U Street. I'm Ecstatic About This.

My roommate just informed me of this - Metro had extended its Yellow Line service to U Street during off-peak hours. (And to the Columbia Heights and Georgia Avenue/Petworth metro stops as well, but I don't care about those because I hardly ever go up there.)

You know what this means? It means I can visit such places as Pentagon City, National Airport, and King Street without transferring at the Convention Center. It also means I won't have to wait 18 minutes for the next Green Line train when I'm trying to get home from Chinaplace Quarter (most likely after a Georgetown loss). I'm absolutely giddy.

Hip Hop Represents the Hoyas

Hip-hop's love affair with Georgetown has been well established. (For example, see Outkast's Rosa Parks or Biggie's Warning.) Now, there are two new songs on that give a shout out to my alma mater.

The first is Nas' Hope, off his aptly-titled new album Hip-Hop is Dead:

"You had to have somebody else's, a small chrome on your pelvis,
Starter Jacket, Blue Georgetown or Green Celtic..."

The second is Jay-Z's The Prelude, from his recent album Kingdom Come:

"Pantries full of Arm & Hammer, don't take Nancy Drew to see
what it do, I'm a damn G
Just sent a million dollars through a hands free
That's big money talk, can you answer me?
Before the Answer was a 3
I was down in Georgetown with a Hoya chick, lawyer chick..."

I've always been perplexed by Hip-Hop's fascination with Georgetown, considering the preponderance of preppy, rich, New England blue-bloods at the school. But I suppose Hip-Hop transcends class and race these days...

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

It's Been a Long Time; I Shouldn't Have Left You...

Links I received while I was busy playing my brother's brand new Nintendo Wii this past weekend...

Crazy West Coast People

In another example of "I know what they are talking about but if you only read a certain portion of the article you may start giggling" situation, I present to you the following excerpt:

The balls must be examined by a referee, but they can be doctored to some extent to remove the slick waterproofing from their surface. Smith and Niners equipment supervisor Steve Urbaniak give Smith's balls a good working over during the week, running them under some water, scrubbing them with a brush, and drying them with a towel. "I'll go through them and check them to where they're feeling decent," Smith said of the process. "From Alex's standpoint, he's very happy with it,'' Urbaniak said. "It gives him confidence going in knowing he doesn't have to worry about it."
Smith isn't the only one who is happy after a thorough ball-buffing.

(Noticeable silence while attempting to digest this information)

Click here for the complete article. Correct me if I'm wrong, Shades, but they would call this quote a "double-entendre".

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Seasons Greetings

Two quick things (I mean it this time):

1) Merry Christmas to all of you and I hope everyone spends quality time with people who are special in their lives (and not NAMBLA, Shades)

2) In dedication to The Answer being shipped out of town, enjoy these highlights. RIP Big Pun.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Where's Snatch Foo Magoo?

It seems that Johnny Shades' alter ego has been making the rounds on the District society circuit. Can you spot him in this shot likely taken at NAMBLA's DC Christmas Celebration*? (If I had a telestrator, I'd do the work for you.)

*it is the author's intention not that viewers believe the social gathering depicted has any actual connection with the North American Man-Boy Love Association or any of its affilaited entities or local chapters, only that viewers understand that Johnny Shades shares the principles and mission of the organization. Of course, it would hardly surprise me if a holiday celebrating the birth of a male child of questionable paternity, who would later go on to defy traditional social boundaries, appealed to a group of their nature.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Guess who's back???

As the underrated yet insightful Brian "Baby" Williams once said:

"The Birdman ain't dead, I fly in any weather."

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Best Christmas Present Ever.

I think someone finally created the perfect toy...

Friday, December 15, 2006

Random Thoughts from California

I haven't written anything in a while, and Aziz has harassed me to write something. Living out in California is definitely a different experience than the East Coast. I am so close to Mexico it is sometimes difficult to discern between our two countries in certain parts of the city. Autumn (my fiancee) misses the cold winter weather of the East Coast while I do not miss that nonsense at all. I have shoveled a lot of damn snow in my lifetime and look forward to a brief respite from the icy and muy frio conditions.

Now for some random musings from Big Worm:

1) For those who may have forgotten, I predicted the quick tumble of the Georgetown Hoyas from their ill-fated pre-season ranking of 8. Are they in the top 40 anymore? I know Oregon is ranked and is supposed to have a good team, but if you are trying to improve on last year's Sweet Sixteen appearance and close loss to the eventual champion you cannot lose to a team whose mascot is a duck. You just can't.

2) Speaking of Georgetown, my favorite professional athlete is "fittin" to leave my beloved city and take his immense talent elsewhere. The Philadelphia Sixers have completely mismanaged the team by bringing in dead weight (Webber), drafting poorly (Dalembert, Korver), and continually putting no talent around its best player, Allen Iverson. Bill Simmons wrote a fantastic article concerning Iverson and his crappy teammates over the years. The Sixers have three people on the roster who were born before 1981, and only one of them was drafted by the Sixers: Iverson. That means everyone they have drafted before 2002 is elsewhere in the NBA except for Iverson. According to, the Sixers have had the following brain-fart picks since 1992: Clarence Weatherspoon (#9 overall), Shawn Bradley (#2), Sharone Wright and BJ Tyler (6 & 20), Jerry Stackhouse (3), Keith Van Horn (2), Larry Hughes (8), Samuel Dalembert (26), Jiri Welsch (16!!!), and Paccelis Morlende (81). I am not including Speedy Claxton and Todd MacCulloch, whose names speak for themselves. Between 1992 and 1998, they had no worse than a #9 overall pick and could only manage one good player!!! So now, Iverson will leave and go win a championship ring with someone else, while the Sixers will have another first-round draft pick to use on some obscure European player no one has heard of. I can't wait.

3) Enough sports. I went today to the DMV to get a driver's license. I noticed that they had applications in many different languages, and some guy next to me took the written test in what looked like Korean. Since I am a trained investigator, I deduced he was more comfortable reading in Korean instead of English. All of this would be fine if not for one small, insignificant fact: THE STREET SIGNS ARE ALL IN FREAKING ENGLISH!!! How is somebody who does not speak any English be allowed to take a driver's license exam in a language other than what he or she will encounter while driving? I can see the person thinking, "Okay, on the test it said when I come to a stop sign to stop the car. What is that strange, weird-shaped red sign with large white letters on it? Oh well." A few months ago, while still living in Alexandria, we ordered Chinese food but the driver couldn't find our place. I was trying to find him outside while talking to him on the phone. I told him to come back to his car and I was right there. He didn't understand the word car. When I finally found him, he said he does not speak English. I thought, "How the hell is he able to drive and read the signs?" As someone who is an offspring of a naturalized citizen, I understand foreigners in our country trying to make a living. But you have to learn English in order to avoid killing someone on the road.

Sorry for the length. It makes up for the month or so of silence. Be safe out there.

Wayne Gretzky's Son Sucks at Hockey

Poor kid. Looks like he takes more after Janet.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Democracy before Santa Clause

Here's a screenshot from this morning...

What the hell does such a serious subject have to do with Santa Clause?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

One of These Things Does Not Belong

Can you guess which one?

(And no, I did not co-author this work).

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

It's the Little Things.

So my supervisor told me that as part of my annual bonus this year, our firm is going to buy me a new chair of my choosing. (The little fabric one I currently have is destroying by back beyond recognition.) Of course, I picked out the most elaborate chair I could find - the Liberty Humanscale Ergonomic Office Chair, described by the Grand Rapids Press as "one of the most beautiful office chairs ever created." (Apparently, the Grand Rapids Press is some sort of popular authority on office furniture. I did not know this.)

The Liberty Humanscale chair is like the Sony Playstation to the Herman Miller Aeron chair's Nintendo - the Aeron chair came first and had lots of bells and whistles, but the Humanscale is sleeker, more powerful, and will ultimately prevail. Anyway, I ordered it last week, so I've been waiting with bated breath ever since for it to arrive. I check the mailroom incessantly. I have a sneaking suspician that once I sit in this chair, all of my problems will be solved, and peace will overtake the Middle East and the Darfur region of Sudan. The very idea of this chair has kept me going through an otherwise grueling and hectic two-week time period. I think need a vacation.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Jay-Z Battle Raps Himself and Wins

I'll admit it - I dig the new Jay-Z single "Show Me What You Got." (Even though he kind of stole the loop from Teddy Riley's "Rump Shaker." But as Guru says in "Take it Personal," "Rap is an art, you can't own no loops. It's how you hook em up and the rhyme style, troop.")

Anyway, one thing confuses me about the song. In the following stanza, he seems to directly contradict an earlier incarnation of himself:

"Why even fool with these other guys? They all stingy
All these dudes know how to say is ‘gimmie’
Gimmie some ass, Give me some brain
Give me your number, gimmie your name..."

As I think you'll agree, this is a stark volte-face from someone who once wrote a song subtitled "Give it to Me":

"Give it to me
Gimme that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff
But don't bullshit me
C'mon, gimme that funk, that sweet, that nasty, that gushy stuff."

Jay-Z may be a great rapper, but talk about fickle. He retires, then he unretires. He demands that you to give it to him, and then he hates on guys who demand the same. I just can't figure him out.

The Gospel According to Linus

An important message during this holiday season.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Correction: This is the Worst Christmas Present Ever.

Teach your kid a lesson with this gift. And mess 'em up for life while you're at it.

Worst Christmas Present Ever.

Seriously, if you're looking for the worst Christmas present ever for someone, go over to e-bay and check this out. Some girl is auctioning herself off to be someone's MySpace girlfriend for a month. In her role as your ersatz virtual girlfriend, she will leave "personilized" comments and "bullitens." In return, you'll have to teach her how to "spell in English."

Hurry up though, the auction ends tomorrow...

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Cops: "We've caught 'Baseline Killer,' and it's Ray Lewis."

Just try and tell me the "Baseline Killer" doesn't bear an uncanny resemblance to Ray Lewis. Right down to the fact that they're both COLD-BLOODED KILLERS. (Yes, I'm still bitter about the Ravens' pasting of the Steelers a few weeks ago...)

End of the Week Inbox Dump.

Happy National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day everyone! (I know this date by heart; however, if I didn't, my Veterans of Foreign Wars 2006 calendar would've reminded me. Tomorrow is "War Declared on Japan (1941)" day. Monday, December 11 is "Germany and Italy Declared War on U.S. (1941)" day. Friday the 15th is "Bill of Rights" day, and Tuesday the 26th is the first day of Kwanzaa. Alas, I'll only be able to enjoy this calendar for about three more weeks...)

Onto the various weblinks that my loyal readers (read: Doza) sent me this week:

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Ode to Big Ben.

Yep, this pretty much sums up my feelings.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Happy Hannukah-ish

So... if you've been wondering if free speech really is a good thing after all and/or hoping that prejudice was alive and well, I have good news!!! Free speech allows a lot of terrible things and prejudice is still alive and fun!

Oh, and I think EVERYONE can check a few gifts-to-get off his or her holiday lists by shopping at this site. A sample below:


Does anyone know if my Tide Stain Remover can erase this shit from the interweb?

In My Opinion, They Both Suck Equally.

So, there's an article in today's Washington Post about which soulless suburban dystopia sucks less, Reston or Tysons. I almost spit out my Frosted Flakes this morning when I read the author's conclusion:

"...for the real urban experience, I'll put my money on Tysons."

The crux of the author's argument is that "Tysons is one traffic jam after another," just like "Midtown Manhattan." Or something like that.

Look, I'll concede that Reston is far more contrived than Tysons, while Tysons' horrendous sprawl is much more "organic." But this is kind of like arguing about which restaurant is better, Ruby Tuesday or Applebee's. They're basically the same, and they both suck.

Above: The breathtaking skyline of Midtown Tysons Corner.