Assorted Links: The Lazy Blogger's Way Out

Look, I warned you about this. Every year, commencing around August 1, I stop going out, reading, listening to music, watching movies, talking to people - essentially, I stop living life. Instead, I devote the bulk of my leisure time to reading about football, watching football (especially now that I have NFL Sunday Ticket), discussing football, and managing my fantasy football teams. My IQ plummets during this time. It's as if my brain goes into hibernation every fall, only to emerge in mid-February perplexed, timid, and visibly malnourished. By the summer, my synapses are firing on all cylinders again, allowing me to write witty missives about the local bar scene, the evolution of hip-hop as seen through the prism of art history, etc. But as the year draws to a close, I retreat to the cold, dark recesses of CNNSI.com and shoot Peter King's and Dr. Z's inane drivel into my veins.

So what's left, you ask? Why, assorted internet links, of course. (Thanks to my three remaining readers for these.)

• Have you ever wondered how many cans of Jolt Cola you could drink before you actually dropped dead? Find out here.
  
• This has been out for a while now, but it's too good to ignore: Ethan Albright's fictional response to being ranked the worst football player in Madden '07.
  
• Forbes.com, the self-proclaimed "home page for the world's business leaders," is also apparently the home page for unintentionally hilarious articles about sex.
  
• Speaking of sex, Esquire magazine recently named Scarlett Johansson the sexiest woman alive. I'm in concurrence.
• A set of twins was recently born in England. One of the twins is black, and the other is white. I once thought this was a physical impossibility, but no longer. I have nothing more to add.
• Finally, are you scrambling to find a creative Halloween costume for tomorrow night? Fear not - all you really need is a good set of hair clippers and a healthy lack of dignity: