Much Ado About Nothing

I gave my two-week notice at work last week. The millisecond after the words "I'm leaving" crossed my lips, my produtivity ebbed to a trickle. I am now bored beyond belief. I have read every news story written in today's papers (yes, all of them). I have looked at pictures of people with progeria on the Internet. I have read the scathing, male-hating lyrics penned by my new favorite songstress, Lily Allen (ladies, check out "Not Big" if you want a good laugh). I have examined every feline on www.petfinder.com in order to find the perfect cat (preferably, a white one I can call "Montecore" after the white siberian tiger that mauled Roy).

The only thing left to do is blog. So, here are some small tidbits:

I went to go see the remake of The Omen last night. I generally tend to be scared of my own shadow, but I found this movie to be particularly scary, not to mention gory as hell. The kid who plays Damien Thorn, Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick, is so creepy he makes Mohammed Atta look like Strawberry Shortcake. While Harvey Stevens, the kid who starred in the original, was nominated for a Golden Globe a for his performance, I don't see how he could be any scarier than the new Damien. The cast is rounded out by Julia Stiles, Damien's mom, and Liev Schreiber, who is successful at turning the character of Mr. Thorn into a sniveling weenie. If you like horror movies, this is not too bad. Not as cool as Saw, though.

Next, everyone will be happy to learn that the sex tape of R. Kelly having sex with an underage girl will be available to the public. I'm not saying that it will be playing at the Arlington Cinema 'N Drafthouse, but if kiddie porn is your thing, it's out there for your viewing pleasure.

Speaking of sex tapes, as written on www.thesuperficial.com, O.J. Simpson has recently entered the fray. Man, talk about a jack of all trades. This guy does it all! He's been a professional athlete, an actor ("Nordberg"), a murderer, and now a porn star caught doing blow and singing "If I Only Had a Brain" on tape. WOW. Someone should really give this guy a lifetime achievement award.

Just got a call that I need to do an exit interview shortly, so that's all for now. Sayonara, suckers.